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Freedom from Anger

During the last number of years, anger had overtaken my life. Anyone, or anything could and would make me angry. This was not only affecting me but others I was involved with. The Lord finally intervened and brought me to the point where I realized I needed help. To get in touch with my timid spirit, trying to remain independent, my negative thoughts and my anger, I had to get in touch with wounds of my past as a young girl in school. I had worked hard never to be hurt again and therefore not letting anyone get close to me. To open this rocky past and acknowledge it was a most difficult task. Through the help from a Theophostic Prayer Minister the Lord walked me through my painful past. The Lord freed me of the lies I believed about myself and only then was I able to forgive others. Like Hagar I finally was able to face going back to my past. This allowed Jesus to uncover my wounds and bathe them in His love and set me free!

- Tina

Rachel's Vineyard Testimony:

Tracey's Story

I couldn’t understand my inability to maintain true intimate relationships, or even work towards having them. I would hook up with guys that I knew (somewhere, only deeply hidden away) who would not commit yet (somewhere, deeply hidden away) desiring a committed relationship . I’d act like it didn’t really matter or it was their fault that these relationships did not work out. I would just move on and subconsciously sabotage some more relationships. I had absolutely no idea that my inability to maintain true intimate relationships was in direct correlation to missing my children.

During my early twenties I had a miscarriage without even realizing that I was pregnant. I was not yet a Christian back then, but something in me believed that God’s hand was at work and that was “His way”, for ending the pregnancy. I thought I was comfortable with that reasoning.

About a year or so later, I became pregnant again. Believing that there was no way that I could be a single parent – handle the responsibility, or selflessly give up my self or my freedom, I consulted my OBGYN. He suggested options with abortion being the most discussed one. A close family member who had had an abortion shortly before and a few close friends were supportive of any decision I had to make. I chose the abortion. Every thought concerning the abortion became very medical , and every feeling pushed away in order to rationalize logically that “after all it was only a medical procedure” and life never seemed an option. After the abortion , I stuffed all feelings and thoughts even deeper somewhere and moved on as I thought. My lifestyle was totally unhealthy (sex, drugs and rock and roll). On some subconscious level I believed that since I sabotaged my children’s relationships with myself, that all other relationships would suffer also. I had no idea as how much of a mess my life had become.

Over a decade later, I became a Christian. Five years later at a Rachel’s Vineyard Retreat I realized I had nearly two decades of intense emotional pain which literally weighed me down. In 2 days God did many miracles in my life. When I first became a Christian I had begun to re-evaluate my life. Memories of the abortion came up. Through healing prayer I knew that God had forgiven me and that Christ had died for that decision I had made in my life, but deep deep down, I could not forgive myself. I hated myself.

There was so much regret. Well God and His Son met me at the retreat and through His Living Word I was truly released of all self condemnation for what I had done. Jesus showed me that my children forgave me and deeply loved me too! God even allowed me to name the child I had miscarried as well as the aborted child. Talk about a family reunion! There are reasons Jesus is called our Redeemer and these were a couple of mine. I was in a completely different place as a person then. In fact the Father, Son and Holy Spirit have done in my heart, at the core of my being, more than words can express. I am so truly grateful for His Living Word. My heart sings for my children Rebecca and Joshua!

- Tracey